Sunrise

I saw the sunrise this morning. Not just the haze as the light comes up over the horizon, but literally I stared at the globe of the sun as it came up over the horizon. In an opening sequence of "The Lion King" type way. I almost started to cry. How? How does something that beautiful exist?

I've been asking that question a lot lately. How? How does CMW fix me every year? I don't think that it was as successful this year as it has been other years. The tough part was that it was hard to completely give myself over to it. I had a certain SBH on my mind. And he's always on my mind. That's another how? How can I meet someone who is so right for me in so many ways, but then isn't? And how can a person hurt another person so unintentionally? And how can a person not care that they're being hurt, since they're getting to see, to know, to feel. How can two of my best friends in the whole world, completely ignore me for a week and not even realize it? How can my pretty much best friend in the whole world be moving away from me? How do I know that despite everything, time and distance, that we'll be okay? How is it that Mollie and I have never been interested in the same guy before? How are Claire and I able to literally talk as though no time has passed? How do I deal with the fact that my little brother is going to college? How do I go to sleep? Question after question after question. But looking at that sunrise, seems to make them all okay.

I still can't get over how beautiful it was.

Emo McGhee

So...

-That is what I have been lately (and by this, I am referring to my title). Look at everything in my life. My blog posts, my music selection, my tweets, my thoughts, my text messages. I realize that this is a phase and that this is going to pass. I realize that I have done this before, and let's be honest, I will probably do it again. However that doesn't mean that it doesn't suck.

bare

Since I met you I’ve had so many 4 am evenings, and 2 pm mornings. Since I met you, I’ve hurt much more than I’ve felt in a while. Since I met you, I’ve felt much more than I’ve felt in a while. Since I met you I’ve loved more than I’ve felt in a while. Confusion is my norm. I talk about perfect kiss moments, wishing to have one, and knowing that it will probably never happen. Since I met you, I had an 11:11 wish come true. Not in the way that I was expecting mind, but it still happened.

Since I met you I’ve once again turned to superstition. Since I’ve met you, I’ve come to distrust my best friend. Since I’ve met you, you’ve become my best friend. Since I’ve met you WTF is constant state of mind, not a random passing thought or emotion. Since I’ve met you my 4^th of July didn’t suck. Since I met you, I have kissed more people than in the past years combined. All of my writing, posts, tweets, have turned to the emo. I find myself praying that each day is very hot, so that I can convince you to stay in the air conditioning with me.

Since I met you, I’ve seen a foggy sunrise. Since I met you, I’ve seen more sunrises than in the rest of my life. Since I met you , I worry about what I wear. I shave my face. My emotions change at the drop of a hat. Not that they didn’t before mind, but you notice them, and call them out. I’ve learned to like it rough. I feel like I have shed myself. Not in a bad way. In a way that is startling, and yet freeing.

Since I met you, I don’t know how to end this. I don’t know where we end. There are no lines or boundaries. And yet somehow, lines and boundaries are all that I can seem to think of. Never have I felt SO close to someone, while feeling so far away.

Since I met you I have enjoyed being tickled. I have NEVER enjoyed being tickled. Since I met you, I listen to music I didn’t think I would enjoy. I enjoy it. Since I met you I have eaten things I thought I would never like. I like them. How does this happen? How can one person have such a spirit and force for good in my life one minute, and cause me SO much heartache the next?

Since I met you, I have found meaning in all the songs. They are all about me. They all pertain to my situation in one way or another. Since I met you, I cry during music a lot. Not in a sad depressing way… because sometimes it’s just good to cry.

Since I’ve met you I’ve been present. I’ve been lucid. I’ve been feeling again. I don’t walk around wondering can I do this. Because I know regardless of everything, you have faith in me. I know others do too, but I guess I haven’t known it like this. Since I met you, I think I’ve confused you, and that thrills me and makes me sad.

Since I met you, I’ve written a poem.